Hari Jubah & Birthday

Kalau kecik-kecik dulu, birthdays are most exciting. Besaq-besaq ni well umm, you tell me.. Honestly I love birthdays, surprises, & presents. But i think the moment my age begins with a digit 2, the whole excitement is all gone! Poof! 

This year though, ironically..my convocation was one day before my birthday which makes it kinda exciting. I will not lie, i was expecting something special from my fam. And they made the expectation came true. Thank you, I love you gaisss!

 

Speaking of my convo, some of my friends and i, manage to do a pre-grad photo session one day before the actual event. We were glad we did it though, atleast we got some pretty shots.

The actual event! OMG! Tipu la kalau tak seriau time nak naik stage. All i was thinking at that particular moment was 'tolonglah jgn jatuh & jgn lupa kata TQ' nervous tu sebab takut and malu jatuh depan semua org ja. Haha

Anyways, i was glad everything when smoothly and everyone was happy being there celebrating it with me. It's just a degree, still a long way ahead of me. Hopefully i will challenge myself for masters and phd. Who knows. Last but not least, i'm missing all these faces right now. Everyone off in their separate ways. All the best gaisss! Semoga semua berjaya dunia akhirat! Amin. 

Adulthood

I just realised today why adulthood is hard compared to childhood. One of the main reasons i found out is how when we were in kindergarten and school everything is the same for everyone. Go to school, balik school buat homework, pi tuition, ko.k activities, camping, hari sukan, merentas desa, kawad kaki, and the cycle continues. 

Dekat uni mayb the cycle is slightly different, pi class, assignment, discussion, jumpa lecturer, organize events, well you get my point. We kinda do the same stuff. Everyone does the same kinda stuff. The usuals.

However, as soon as you take off your jubah konvo..everything is different. There is none of that fixed routine for everyone. We all have choices we have to make and we need to make.

Some choose a career, some choose to further their studies, some marriage. It gets hard when you don't really know whats best for you because then you start comparing the decisions your friends make, that you didn't. 

Everything is slowly changing. Friends getting married, going away abroad, starting a job. I'm not really sure how to feel, yes happy for them ofcourse. But why does it feel like i'm the only one not moving for anything. 

#survivingadulthood

running in circles

I told myself I want to get married by 25.

Itu plan je la, Allah izin ke dak kita tak tau. Satu dua hari ni rasa lonely pulak. Like hollow sunyi semacam.

Org kata kalau rasa mcm ni sebab tak ingat Tuhan. Ya Allah, I'm so sorry.

Lepas tu dok ulang lagu Coldplay-The Scientist. Haih, bukan nak dengar ayat Quran ka berzikir ka.

25 is like in 2 years. There's not much time left if you think carefully.

I've never given this heart truly to anyone.

Can some miracle happen in two years for me to proceed the plan? Or must I reevaluate this plan?

O dear Allah, fill this emptiness that's growing inside of me. You are the One who knows what's best for me.

After all, this plan... is a part of completing half the deen.

"apalah digentarkan mati seorang, tak dikasih tak disayang tak dipandang. kalau sungguh imanmu pada tuhan, pasti kamu sedar yang tidak pernah walau sekali kita ditinggal belakang. setiap masa, tuhan itu penuh kasih, melimpah sayang, selalu memandang. kita selalu ada tuhan, dik. sentiasa. setiap masa.

ada masa, tuhan mahu menduga iman yang terselit dalam dada. apakah kita lebih mengasihi Lelaki; atau Dia --yang mencipta Lelaki untuk kamu dapatkan. apakah kita lebih mencari Lelaki; atau Dia sendiri --yang mencipta Lelaki untuk kamu kejarkan." - FJ

may

Banyak benda nak cerita.

Konon semangat nk menulih, tapi senyap sunyi sampai May dah nak masuk Jun.

Umuq dah bertambah, topi mortar board pon dah pakai.

Hati pon dah move on. Duit gaji pon dah berbulan-bulan masuk. Book challenge pon dah halfway completed.

Tapi nantilah, nanti pelan-pelan aku cerita satu-satu. Bonus dengan gambaq pelekat tampai tang sini skali. Esok-esok lah. Lepak chill relax la dulu,

Langit tetap biru.

music

Yesterday, I saw a video on how music stimulates the brain. So, basically there's this group of people who uses music to improve memories of old people who are sick at the hospital.

It's really impressive how their old favorite music made some of them suddenly emotional or starts giving response to certain treatment and also recognizing a family member.

I wished I had done that to my grandma.

If I could turn back time, I would play that one song she loved.

P.Ramlee's famous 'Jangan tinggal daku'. I would take my headphones and put it at her ears.

Maybe I could catch a glimpse of her smile when she listens to it.

Just one more glimpse, one last glimpse.


Love you Mak, miss you so much.
Alfatihah